I haven’t wrote one of these in quite a while so I hope whoever has taken the time out of their day to read this, you, I hope you are living happily and that the world is offering you well wishes and successes and if not hold tight, keep carrying on and most importantly, thank you. Personally, I have been very conflicted with myself for the last year due to situations that have left me very insecure and anxious towards life itself. I hit my all time low and I’ve been struggling more than anything to climb out of the hole I’ve fallen into. Appreciation has been something that’s being playing on my mind a lot. It’s something I find very complex to dissect. One can appreciate the simplicities of life and how amazing and beautiful the surroundings around me are. I’ve felt very one with the world and nature for the last few years of my life, still not a vegan though aha. I appreciate every tree I see, and every gust of wind that brushes past my face, every drip of water that comes out of the tap I’m using and going into me. But then my thoughts turned to the appreciation of people. Am I appreciative of those who have been around me who love me? I think so, but I know it could be made ten times more apparent. Firstly, family, but in particular parents. Every single day since the day you were born your parents have fed you, given you a home, given you money for you to see your friends, anything and everything really for you to live the best life you can because that’s simply what we call love. I am disappointed in myself for telling my friends I love them more than I tell my own family. You never know when you’ll lose someone so let them know whenever you can. They are just three words, but the three words that have the ultimate power when combined.
I came across a tweet recently which said “How can your parents make you pay rent at home?”. When I saw the number of retweets it got, I genuinely wanted to superman punch every wasteman that had retweeted this bludclart nonsense. Years and years have gone by where all of us have taken and taken from our parents without needing to say thank you or show any care because “it’s their job”. Your parents are here to take care of you till you are in a position to take care of yourself, which I think is essentially the time you reach university. There on out it’s time for the roles to start reversing. You are eventually likely to become the breadwinner within the household, so do your bit. They’ve been doing it all for the first two decades of your life and whether you can see it or not they are slowly diminishing before you. Take control and be someone that takes your parents out for dinner instead of them paying for it all. Money is tough for many people especially parents managing bills and mortgages. If you aren’t earning money, do things that you should be able to do at your big age. Sort out the washing, clean the dishes in the sink, make your mum a tea when she gets back from work instead of her having to start her next shift in the kitchen to make you dinner, you do it. I am trying to be more attentive of this myself, because it makes me feel very disappointed in my self when I ask my mum “have you eaten? how was work” and her response ends with “thank you for asking”. She is my mother and she shouldn’t have to feel like there is a lack of care towards her health and happiness. You’re getting stronger, they are getting weaker and trust me nothing makes a parent happier than seeing their children be strong, caring individuals towards everyone and especially towards themselves. It makes them feel like they did a good job of being a parent. It must be so rewarding to have your children look after you after looking after them for most of their life.
I started to think more about situations where I felt like I had been under appreciated. Immediately I shut myself down and thought “why are you seeking appreciation if you did what you did because you wanted to and not because you were expecting anything in return”. I quizzed myself on it so much and questioned whether I was a “bad” person for thinking that way. There’s something so heart warming about hearing a genuine thank you, well for me at least. For me it’s seen as an acknowledgement of your efforts and compassion and therefore an appreciation of your act. However, I’ve noticed throughout the last year in particular, many people are not so inclined to say thank you when I deem it polite and even necessary. Please don’t misunderstand me and think I’m expecting people to shower you and myself with compliments and gratitude, it’s more so like I said, an acknowledgment of efforts that have been made. I find it strange that people don’t seem to recognise this. There have been many instances where I have put my absolute efforts into organising or arranging events etc where my purpose was to see those I am affiliated with and care about have a great time. Though I didn’t do it for the thank you I did feel a slight sink in my stomach when I never heard it once from anyone I was in a room with. Again I thought “Vinnie why are you upset by this? Everyone’s having fun which is exactly what you wanted.” I came to conclude that though it wasn’t something I was looking for, gratitude and appreciation is a sign of acknowledgement and that to the person who has given is an incredible feeling. It makes you feel like “Fuck yes! I did a great job and people actually see that I put in the effort”. Again please don’t misinterpret this for being entitled, it’s more so that it works as positive reinforcement. Shout out Skinner, my Psychology brudda x
The next hurdle of thought was when I felt under appreciated for my efforts towards individuals I truly went above and beyond for. I’d remember finer details and do anything to help make them happy, again not thinking about the gratitude I’d receive but because of the love and care I possessed for them. I simply just wanted to make their world better for them in any way I could, help pursue their dreams and ease any worries wherever and whenever I could. It got to the point where I asked, “do you not see what I do? Do you care? Did the efforts show my love and care as I intended?” Instead I’d get a response that truly baffled me. “I didn’t ask you to do that though”. Hearing those words made me endure another spectrum of thought. I thought, yes you are right, I didn’t have to but I did. It’s interesting that people focus on the efforts in a negative perspective. For me, it’s a simple as, though you didn’t ask, I did, because it’s something I wanted to do for YOU to make YOU happy. It’s interesting how that kindness and love can be overlooked so easily. It doesn’t mean that you have to be forever indebted with someone who has done a lot for you but more so forever appreciative. Dissect it. Everyone’s time is precious as well as money and to be honest mental thoughts and actions. For someone to take their time and money and thoughts and actions with the aim to provide you with happiness is something so precious and should never be overlooked. Whether it’s as simple as messaging you whilst you’re away to say “I hope you have a good day” or buying something to help someone carry out their aspirations be it a new set of paints for an artist, the mere fact that an individual has taken the time out of their day to think to do something so personal for you and spend the money in their pocket to do this for you, is love. It makes me wonder, do individuals feel so entitled that they feel as if they don’t need acknowledge these efforts? I, personally don’t ever ask for anything in return besides being able to feel like my efforts have been deeped and forever valued by those who I have done so much for.
I don’t know if anyone has also been in this position before, but if you have, just remember that you are love. Your soul works in a way to heal and better anything and everything you come into contact with and it’s something to be very proud of though it may be very underappreciated. Don’t feel silly for doing what you did because you followed your heart in the hope to make someone happy and that itself is such a lovely thing to do for your peers. If you are reading this and feel like there are people you haven’t treated with respect or haven’t been appreciative towards, ask yourself, would someone else do as much as they do? Cherish them, because they cherish you and ultimately all they are seeking is love in return. We are all busy and like I said everyone’s time is so precious but just think could I show that I value their kindness more than I’m showing? Again, it doesn’t need to be shouted from the rooftops but even internally hold that appreciation for that person deep within you. They didn’t have to, but they did because they love you and want to see you grow and live happily. Help anyone when you can and don’t forget it’s okay to say “I love you” to someone who would move the world for you. I don’t know if this is going to be interpreted as a load of codswallop but I ain’t a rapper.
Peace and love to you all, let your soul shape existence and flow through the beauty of this incredible rock we live on.
Much love, Vinnie x
VINNIE the sailing utopian 